**European Stocks Soar as Trump Hits Snooze on 50% Tariffs: “I Just Needed More Time to Think About Cheese”**
In a shocking turn of events that has left economists scratching their heads and cheese lovers rejoicing, European stocks have skyrocketed after President Donald Trump announced he would delay his proposed 50% tariffs on EU goods. The announcement came just hours after Trump reportedly spent an entire afternoon contemplating the complexities of European cheese varieties, leading him to declare, “I just can’t put a price on a good Brie!”
The Dow Jones of Gouda surged 300 points, while the Euro Stoxx 50 jumped higher than a caffeinated kangaroo. “We were all set for a cheese apocalypse,” said local stockbroker and self-proclaimed cheese connoisseur, Pierre Fromage. “But now, it looks like we can keep our fondue pots bubbling without fear of financial ruin!”
In a press conference that was more surreal than a Salvador Dalí painting, Trump explained his decision. “I realized that if I put tariffs on European cheese, I’d have to eat American cheese. And let’s be honest, nobody wants to live in a world where Velveeta is the only option,” he said, while holding a wedge of Roquefort like it was the Holy Grail.
Meanwhile, European leaders are celebrating the news with a toast of fine wine and a side of charcuterie. “We were worried about our economy, but now we can breathe easy,” said fictional EU spokesperson, Hans Gruber. “And by breathe easy, I mean eat cheese without the fear of bankruptcy!”
As stocks continue to rise, analysts predict that the only thing that could derail this cheese-fueled rally is if Trump suddenly develops a taste for Swiss. “If he starts talking about holes in the economy, we’re all in trouble,” warned financial expert and part-time cheese sculptor, Betty Brie.
For now, investors are raising their glasses and their portfolios, while Trump is reportedly working on a new tariff plan that will only target European chocolate. “I can’t have them thinking they can just send us their sweets without consequences,” he quipped, as he prepared to dive into a fondue pot.
In the end, it seems that when it comes to tariffs, the only thing more complicated than international trade is the world of dairy. And for now, at least, we can all agree: long live the cheese!
