**EU Prepares ‘Countermeasures’ in Case US Tariff Agreement Fails: Croissants and Clogs on the Line!**
In a bold move that has left economists scratching their heads and pastry chefs sharpening their knives, the European Union has announced a series of “countermeasures” in the event that the much-anticipated US tariff agreement goes belly-up. Sources say the EU is ready to unleash a torrent of retaliatory measures that could include everything from a ban on American jeans to a mandatory two-hour siesta for all US diplomats.
“Listen, if they want to play hardball, we’ll play hard croissant,” declared Jean-Claude Croissant, the EU’s Chief Negotiator for Pastry Affairs. “We’re prepared to impose a 300% tariff on all American donuts. They think they can just waltz in here with their sprinkles and glaze? Not on our watch!”
In a press conference that featured more baguettes than journalists, EU officials unveiled their secret weapon: the “Culinary Countermeasure.” This plan includes a mandatory French cooking class for all US trade representatives, ensuring they can whip up a soufflé before they even think about negotiating tariffs. “If they can’t make a proper ratatouille, how can we trust them with trade?” asked Pierre LeChef, a culinary expert and part-time mime.
Meanwhile, the EU is also considering a ban on American pop music, citing “excessive noise pollution” as a primary concern. “We can’t have our citizens subjected to another round of ‘Baby Shark’ while negotiating trade deals,” said Ursula von der Leyen, the EU Commission President, while attempting to dance to the tune of Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony.
As tensions rise, the EU is reportedly stockpiling clogs and croissants in preparation for a potential trade war. “We’re ready to go full ‘cheese and wine’ on them if necessary,” warned Croissant. “And trust me, nobody wants to see that.”
So, as the world watches with bated breath, one thing is clear: if the US and EU can’t come to an agreement, we might just find ourselves in a culinary Cold War. And let’s be honest, nobody wants to live in a world without croissants.
