**Ethan Hedges Hits Two Solo Homers as USC Moves Closer to Super Regional Spot: A Tale of Bats, Bloopers, and Bizarre Rituals**
In a stunning display of athletic prowess that left fans questioning their life choices, USC’s Ethan Hedges hit not one, but two solo home runs during Saturday’s game, propelling the Trojans closer to a coveted Super Regional spot. The game was so thrilling that even the hot dog vendor was seen doing the wave—though he later claimed it was just a “spicy mustard incident.”
Hedges, who is rumored to have trained by swinging at piñatas filled with Gatorade and dreams, commented post-game, “I just wanted to hit the ball so hard that it would land in the next county. I think I succeeded, but I’m still waiting for the county sheriff to return my calls.”
USC coach, Chuck “The Human Calculator” Thompson, praised Hedges’ performance, stating, “Ethan’s home runs were like my last three relationships: unexpected, a little messy, and ultimately very rewarding.” He then proceeded to draw a complex mathematical equation on a napkin, which he claimed would help the team win the next game.
Meanwhile, fans were treated to a bizarre pre-game ritual involving a chicken dance led by the team mascot, Sir Clucks-a-Lot. “We believe in the power of poultry,” said die-hard fan and self-proclaimed chicken whisperer, Linda Featherbottom. “If it worked for the last game, why not this one?”
As USC inches closer to the Super Regionals, one thing is clear: if Hedges keeps hitting home runs like this, he might just be the next big thing in baseball—or at least the next big thing in chicken dance choreography.
