**Enhancing Air Traffic Control Systems to Avert Newark Airport Issues, Officials Urge**
In a groundbreaking announcement that has left the aviation world both amused and bewildered, officials at Newark Liberty International Airport have urged for an enhancement of air traffic control systems to prevent the airport from becoming the Bermuda Triangle of air travel. “We’re not saying Newark is cursed,” said Chief Air Traffic Wizard, Bob “The Plane Whisperer” Johnson, “but if you see a flock of geese wearing sunglasses, it’s best to steer clear.”
The call for improvement comes after a series of unfortunate events that have left travelers wondering if they accidentally booked a flight to a parallel universe. “I thought I was flying to Miami, but I ended up in a taco truck in New Jersey,” lamented frequent flyer and taco enthusiast, Linda “Lost in Transit” Martinez. “I mean, I love tacos, but I was really looking forward to the beach!”
In a bold move, officials are considering the implementation of a new air traffic control system that includes a crystal ball and a Ouija board. “We believe this will help us communicate with the spirits of lost luggage and wayward flights,” said Deputy Director of Air Traffic Shenanigans, Frank “Ghostbuster” Thompson. “If it works for the paranormal, why not for planes?”
Meanwhile, Newark’s airport mascot, a giant inflatable pigeon named “Flighty McFly,” has been enlisted to help guide planes to safety. “He’s got a great sense of direction,” said airport spokesperson, Sally “Pigeon Whisperer” Jenkins. “Plus, he’s inflatable, so if he gets lost, we can just deflate him and start over.”
As Newark officials scramble to avert further travel disasters, one thing is clear: the sky may not be the limit, but with a little humor and a lot of inflatable pigeons, they’re determined to keep the airport from becoming the punchline of every travel joke.
