**Loretta Swit, Emmy-Winning Actress from ‘M.A.S.H.,’ Passes Away at 87: The World Loses Its Favorite Hot Lips**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the world reeling, Emmy-winning actress Loretta Swit, best known for her role as Major Margaret “Hot Lips” Houlihan on the iconic show ‘M.A.S.H.,’ has passed away at the ripe old age of 87. Sources say she was last seen arguing with a can of soup over whether it was a legitimate meal or just a sad excuse for dinner.
Swit’s career spanned decades, but she will forever be remembered for her ability to make a surgical gown look like haute couture. “She was the only person who could make a tent look sexy,” said fellow actor and self-proclaimed fashion expert, Brad “The Pants” Johnson. “I mean, I tried wearing one once, and I just ended up looking like a confused camping trip.”
In a heartfelt tribute, her co-star Alan Alda stated, “Loretta was like a sister to me. A sister who could throw a scalpel with pinpoint accuracy. I still have the scar to prove it.” Meanwhile, her neighbor, Mrs. Gertrude Pickles, added, “I’ll miss her daily rants about the squirrels stealing her garden gnomes. She was convinced they were plotting against her.”
As the world mourns the loss of this legendary actress, fans are left with one burning question: Who will now take up the mantle of “Hot Lips”? Rumor has it that a casting call has gone out for a new Major Houlihan, with requirements including a PhD in sass and the ability to make a mean martini.
In the wake of her passing, a memorial service is set to take place at the nearest diner, where attendees are encouraged to wear their best 1970s attire and bring their favorite soup. After all, if there’s one thing Loretta taught us, it’s that laughter—and a good bowl of clam chowder—can heal all wounds.
