**Education Department Declares War on Mascots: New York Agencies Breach Civil Rights Act by Banning Native American Mascots**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the world of sports and mascots reeling, the Education Department has officially determined that New York agencies have breached the Civil Rights Act by banning Native American mascots. Yes, you heard it right—those feathered friends and war-painted warriors are now the subject of a federal investigation, and the stakes have never been higher.
“Look, we’re just trying to protect the rights of mascots everywhere,” said Chief Featherbottom, a self-proclaimed mascot rights activist. “What’s next? Are they going to ban the Fighting Irish? I mean, have you ever seen a leprechaun in a fight? They’re terrifying!”
The decision has sparked outrage among local sports teams, with the New York Warriors already planning a protest. “We’re not just warriors; we’re also really good at dodgeball,” said team captain, Chuck “The Chuckster” McBrawn. “If they take away our mascot, what’s next? Are they going to make us play with a bunch of fluffy kittens? I can’t throw a ball at a kitten!”
Meanwhile, the Department of Education has announced plans to replace the banned mascots with more “inclusive” options. “We’re considering a new mascot that represents everyone,” said Secretary of Education, Dr. Ima Pundit. “Perhaps a giant slice of pizza? Everyone loves pizza, and it’s a great unifier!”
As the debate rages on, one thing is clear: the future of mascots hangs in the balance. Will we see a return of the Native American mascots, or will we be left with a pizza slice leading the charge? Only time will tell, but one thing is for sure—this is one battle that’s bound to get saucy!
