**DOJ Strikes Plea Agreement with Democratic Donor in Kennedy Center Bribery Case: A Comedy of Errors**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the nation both amused and bewildered, the Department of Justice (DOJ) has struck a plea agreement with Democratic donor and self-proclaimed “Cultural Connoisseur” Morty McMoneybags in the Kennedy Center bribery case. McMoneybags, who once claimed he could “buy the moon if it came with a side of nachos,” has agreed to a deal that includes a lifetime supply of free tickets to all Kennedy Center events, provided he doesn’t bring his “loud cousin Larry” along.
Sources say the plea deal was struck after McMoneybags offered to donate a “slightly used” golden toilet to the Kennedy Center, which he had previously purchased from a disgraced former mayor. “I thought it would be a great addition to the bathroom,” he said, “because nothing says ‘high culture’ like a toilet that costs more than my last three cars combined!”
In a bizarre twist, the DOJ’s lead prosecutor, who wished to remain anonymous but insisted on being called “The Bribery Avenger,” stated, “We’re just happy to have Morty on board. He’s promised to host a series of ‘Bribery and Banjos’ nights at the Kennedy Center, which should really boost attendance. Who doesn’t love a good banjo?”
Meanwhile, McMoneybags has been spotted at various high-profile events, including a recent gala where he was seen wearing a tuxedo made entirely of dollar bills. “I wanted to make a statement,” he explained. “And what better way to say ‘I’m rich and I know it’ than by literally wearing my wealth?”
As the nation waits with bated breath for the next chapter in this absurd saga, one thing is clear: the Kennedy Center may never be the same again. And if you’re lucky, you might just catch a glimpse of Morty McMoneybags, the man who turned bribery into an art form—complete with a side of nachos.
