**DOJ Probes Andrew Cuomo Over Allegations of Misleading COVID Decisions: A Comedy of Errors**
In a shocking twist that has left the nation both amused and bewildered, the Department of Justice has launched an investigation into former New York Governor Andrew Cuomo for allegedly misleading the public about his COVID-19 decisions. Sources say the investigation began after Cuomo was spotted at a local deli, confidently ordering a “COVID Special” sandwich, which consisted of a hefty dose of denial and a side of “I’m just following the science, I swear!”
Cuomo, who has been known for his theatrical press conferences, reportedly told reporters, “I thought the only thing I was misleading was my hair gel. Turns out, I was also misleading the entire state!” His hairdresser, Tony “The Gel” Gennaro, chimed in, “I can confirm that Andrew’s hair has always been more reliable than his COVID stats.”
The DOJ’s investigation is said to be fueled by a series of bizarre decisions, including the infamous “Let’s Just Wing It” policy, which involved sending COVID patients to nursing homes while simultaneously hosting a “How to Avoid Responsibility” seminar. One anonymous aide, who wished to remain nameless but was definitely not named “Bob,” stated, “We thought it was a great idea at the time. I mean, who doesn’t love a good plot twist?”
As the investigation unfolds, Cuomo has taken to social media to defend himself, posting a video of him cooking pasta while claiming, “If I can make a perfect marinara, I can definitely handle a pandemic!” Meanwhile, the DOJ is reportedly considering bringing in a panel of experts, including Dr. Phil and a psychic octopus named “COVID-19-zo,” to help decipher the tangled web of Cuomo’s decisions.
In the end, whether Cuomo misled the public or not, one thing is for sure: he’s certainly given us all a reason to laugh—if only to keep from crying. Stay tuned for more updates as this comedy of errors continues to unfold!
