**DHS Reveals Crimes Committed by Deported Migrants in South Sudan Amid Judge’s Threat to Repatriate Them**
In a shocking twist that could only be scripted by a Hollywood screenwriter with a penchant for absurdity, the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) has unveiled a list of crimes allegedly committed by deported migrants in South Sudan. This revelation comes just as a local judge, Judge Judy McGavel, threatens to repatriate them back to the U.S. for their “unprecedented levels of mischief.”
According to the DHS report, the crimes range from “excessive chicken dancing” to “unauthorized use of a goat as a makeshift vehicle.” One particularly notorious migrant, known only as “Dancing Dave,” reportedly led a flash mob in the capital city of Juba, causing a traffic jam that lasted three hours and resulted in a goat stampede. “I just wanted to bring a little joy to the people,” Dave said, while dodging a herd of angry goats. “Who knew they’d take it so seriously?”
Meanwhile, Judge McGavel expressed her frustration, stating, “If they’re going to commit crimes, they might as well do it here! At least we have better pizza!” She has since proposed a new initiative: “Deportation with a Twist,” where migrants can choose their own punishment, including community service at local dance clubs or goat herding.
In a bizarre turn of events, the DHS has also reported that some deported migrants have taken to hosting “Goat Yoga” classes, which have become wildly popular among the local hipster community. “It’s like regular yoga, but with more bleating,” said local resident and self-proclaimed yoga guru, Chad “Namaste” Thompson.
As the situation unfolds, one thing is clear: South Sudan may not be ready for the influx of deported migrants, especially if they come armed with dance moves and a penchant for goat-related antics. Stay tuned for updates as this story continues to develop—because who doesn’t love a good goat story?
