**Devastating Fire Destroys $8.5M Mansion Near Obama’s Washington, D.C. Home: Local Residents Blame the Ghost of George Washington**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the Washington, D.C. elite gasping for air (and possibly their monocles), a devastating fire has reduced an $8.5 million mansion near former President Obama’s home to a smoldering pile of ash. Local residents are speculating wildly about the cause, with theories ranging from faulty wiring to the ghost of George Washington seeking revenge for the state of modern architecture.
“I was just enjoying my morning mimosas when I saw the flames,” said local socialite and self-proclaimed fire expert, Tiffany Von Bling. “I thought it was just another one of those fancy outdoor fireplaces that rich people use to roast marshmallows. Turns out, it was a full-blown inferno! I mean, who knew that $8.5 million could go up in smoke so quickly?”
Eyewitnesses reported seeing flames shooting higher than the average D.C. politician’s ego, with one neighbor, Bob “The Fireman” McFlame, claiming, “I’ve seen a lot of fires in my day, but this one was hotter than a summer day at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner!”
As firefighters battled the blaze, a local historian, Dr. Abigail Historybuff, suggested that the fire might have been caused by “the spirit of George Washington, who is clearly not a fan of modern architecture. I mean, have you seen the columns on that place? They look like they were designed by a toddler with a crayon!”
In the aftermath, the owner of the mansion, billionaire tech mogul and part-time avocado toast enthusiast, Chad “The Tech Wizard” McRichface, released a statement saying, “I’m devastated. I just installed a gold-plated hot tub and now it’s gone! I guess I’ll have to settle for my other five mansions. Life is hard.”
As the smoke clears and the ashes settle, one thing is for sure: the residents of D.C. will be talking about this fiery fiasco for years to come. And who knows? Maybe the ghost of George Washington will finally get his wish and turn the area into a historical park—complete with a “No Mansions Allowed” sign.
