**DeSantis Enacts Stricter Penalties for Pet Abandonment in Disasters: “No More Fido Left Behind!”**
In a bold move that has left animal lovers and couch potatoes alike scratching their heads, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has enacted a new law imposing stricter penalties for pet abandonment during disasters. The law, dubbed the “No More Fido Left Behind” Act, aims to ensure that every pet is treated like a family member—unless, of course, you’re a cat, in which case you’re just a roommate who occasionally demands food.
“Pets are family,” DeSantis declared at a press conference, flanked by a golden retriever named Sir Barksalot and a parrot named Captain Squawk. “And if you think you can just leave them behind during a hurricane, you’re barking up the wrong tree! We’re going to make sure that anyone who abandons their pets during a disaster faces penalties as severe as a fine of up to $10,000 or a mandatory 30-day course in ‘How to Be a Responsible Pet Parent.’”
Local resident and self-proclaimed dog whisperer, Betty “Paw-sitive” Johnson, expressed her support for the new law. “I once saw a neighbor leave his dog, Sparky, behind during a storm. I mean, who does that? Sparky is a good boy! He deserves better than to be left with just a bowl of kibble and a Netflix subscription!”
Critics, however, are concerned about the implications of the law. “What if I’m in the middle of a disaster and my dog refuses to get in the car?” asked local cat enthusiast and part-time magician, Dave “The Disappearing Act” Thompson. “Am I supposed to just leave him there? I can’t perform magic tricks on a hurricane!”
In response to these concerns, DeSantis has proposed a new initiative: “Pet Evacuation Training.” This program will teach pet owners how to coax their furry friends into vehicles using treats, squeaky toys, and the promise of unlimited belly rubs. “If you can’t get your dog in the car, you might as well be trying to herd cats,” DeSantis quipped, as Sir Barksalot nodded in agreement.
As the law takes effect, Floridians are left wondering: will they be able to keep their pets safe during disasters, or will they be forced to choose between their beloved animals and their Netflix binge-watching sessions? One thing’s for sure—if you’re thinking of abandoning your pet, you might want to reconsider. After all, nobody wants to end up in the “Doghouse of Shame.”
