**DeSantis Enacts Law to Curb Development in Florida’s State Parks Following Public Outcry: “We’re Not Building a Theme Park!”**
In a shocking turn of events that has left Florida residents both bewildered and mildly amused, Governor Ron DeSantis has enacted a new law aimed at curbing development in the state’s beloved parks. This decision comes after a public outcry that was reportedly sparked by a viral TikTok video of a raccoon protesting the construction of a luxury resort in the Everglades.
“Listen, we’re not trying to turn the Everglades into Disney World,” DeSantis declared at a press conference, flanked by a group of confused alligators who were apparently there for moral support. “We want to preserve our natural beauty, not pave it over with overpriced souvenir shops and overpriced parking lots!”
Local resident and self-proclaimed “Nature Enthusiast,” Bob “The Tree Hugger” Thompson, expressed his relief. “I was worried we’d end up with a Starbucks in the middle of a swamp! I mean, who wants to sip a pumpkin spice latte while dodging alligators?”
Meanwhile, environmentalists are celebrating the new law, with one activist, who wished to remain anonymous but goes by the name “Captain Planet,” stating, “This is a win for Mother Nature! Now we can focus on more important issues, like getting rid of those pesky mosquitoes that keep stealing my lunch!”
In a surprising twist, the law also includes a provision that allows squirrels to form unions, leading to speculation that Florida might soon see the rise of the first-ever “Squirrel Labor Party.” “We’re tired of being treated like second-class citizens,” said a squirrel spokesperson, who was last seen trying to negotiate a nut-based healthcare plan.
As the dust settles on this legislative rollercoaster, one thing is clear: Florida’s parks are safe—for now. But with the state’s penchant for the bizarre, who knows what will happen next? Perhaps a law to prevent flamingos from wearing sunglasses? Only time will tell!
