**Damar Hamlin Cleared to Resume Football Activities After January Cardiac Arrest: NFL to Introduce New “Heart-Healthy” Playbook**
In a shocking turn of events that has left fans both relieved and scratching their heads, Buffalo Bills safety Damar Hamlin has been cleared to resume football activities after his dramatic cardiac arrest in January. The NFL, in a move that can only be described as “boldly optimistic,” has announced a new “Heart-Healthy” playbook to accompany Hamlin’s return, featuring plays like “The Defibrillator Dive” and “The CPR Shuffle.”
Hamlin, who was famously revived on the field, expressed his excitement in a press conference, stating, “I’m just glad to be back. I mean, who else is going to tackle people while simultaneously reminding them to eat their greens? I’m basically a walking health campaign now!”
In a bizarre twist, the NFL has also introduced a new mascot named “Cardio the Heart,” who will be present at all games to remind players to hydrate and take deep breaths. “We want to ensure that our players are not just tough, but also heart-healthy,” said NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, who was seen sipping a kale smoothie during the announcement.
Fans are equally thrilled and confused. “I just hope he doesn’t get tackled by a salad,” said one enthusiastic Bills fan, wearing a foam heart on his head. “I mean, I love vegetables, but not during a game!”
As Hamlin prepares to hit the field again, he’s already been spotted practicing his new moves, including the “Cardiac Crunch” and the “Aneurysm Avoidance.” “I’m just trying to keep it light,” he quipped. “After all, if I can survive a heart attack, I can definitely survive a few tackles!”
With Hamlin back in action, the NFL is gearing up for a season filled with heart-pounding excitement—literally. So grab your kale chips and get ready for some “healthy” competition!
