**Cruz and Lujan Propose Legislation to Streamline Permits for International Bridges and Ports: A Bridge Too Far?**
In a bold move that has left political analysts scratching their heads and bridge enthusiasts cheering, Senators Ted Cruz and Ben Ray Lujan have teamed up to propose legislation aimed at streamlining permits for international bridges and ports. The duo, known for their bipartisan love of infrastructure, have dubbed their initiative the “Bridge Over Troubled Waters Act,” which they claim will “make crossing borders as easy as crossing the street—without the risk of getting hit by a car.”
Cruz, in a press conference that featured an inexplicable number of inflatable flamingos, stated, “We want to make it so easy to cross these bridges that even my mother-in-law could do it. And trust me, she’s not the most coordinated person.” Lujan chimed in, “If we can get permits approved faster than it takes to decide what to order for lunch, we’ll consider it a win!”
The legislation proposes to cut down the permit process from a staggering 12 years to just 12 minutes, which experts say is still longer than the average time it takes to binge-watch an entire season of a reality show. “We’re just trying to make it easier for people to get from point A to point B without having to fill out a mountain of paperwork,” said local resident and self-proclaimed bridge aficionado, Bob “The Bridge Whisperer” Johnson. “I mean, I can’t even get my dog to stop barking at the mailman, let alone navigate a bureaucratic maze.”
Critics of the bill have raised concerns that speeding up the permit process could lead to a surge in “bridge selfies,” where tourists pose dramatically on the edge of international crossings. “We can’t have people taking selfies on bridges,” warned local historian and part-time conspiracy theorist, Linda “The Bridge is a Portal” Martinez. “Next thing you know, they’ll be claiming the bridge is a gateway to another dimension!”
As the legislation moves forward, Cruz and Lujan remain optimistic. “We’re just two guys trying to build bridges—literally and figuratively,” Cruz said, while Lujan added, “And if we can make it easier for people to cross borders, maybe we can finally get my cousin Juan to visit from Mexico without all the hassle!”
In the end, whether this legislation will lead to a new era of international bridge crossings or simply more traffic jams remains to be seen. But one thing is for sure: if you’re planning to cross a bridge anytime soon, you might want to bring a selfie stick—just in case!
