**Colorado Rockies Set Unprecedented Record with Disastrous 50-Game Start in MLB History**
In a stunning display of athletic prowess that can only be described as “impressively bad,” the Colorado Rockies have officially set the record for the worst 50-game start in Major League Baseball history. With a staggering 5-45 record, the Rockies have managed to redefine the term “rock bottom” — and they’re not even done digging!
“We thought we were just going to have a rough start, but this is like trying to climb Mount Everest in flip-flops,” said Rockies manager Bud Black, who was last seen contemplating a career change to professional knitting. “At this point, I’m just hoping we can win a game before the ice caps melt.”
Fans have taken to social media to express their bewilderment. One die-hard Rockies supporter, who goes by the name of “Rocky Mountain Low,” tweeted, “I’ve seen better performances from my toddler’s T-ball team, and they don’t even know which way to run!”
In a bizarre twist, the Rockies have also set a new record for the most creative excuses for their losses. “We were just trying to give the other teams a chance,” said outfielder Charlie Blackmon, who is now considering a side gig as a motivational speaker for underachievers. “You know, like a charity event, but for baseball.”
Meanwhile, the team’s mascot, Dinger the Dinosaur, has reportedly gone into hiding, fearing for his job security. “I’m not sure how much longer I can keep this up,” Dinger lamented in a recent interview. “I might just start a new career as a bouncer at a local bar. At least there, I can throw people out for bad behavior.”
As the Rockies continue their quest for mediocrity, fans are left wondering if they’ll ever see a win again. But one thing is for sure: if there’s a record for losing, the Rockies are on track to win it — or lose it, depending on how you look at it.
