**Coastal Carolina Crushes Fairfield 10-2: Thorndyke and Dooley Go Yard While Flukey Strikes Out the Competition!**
In a game that can only be described as a baseball bonanza, the Coastal Carolina Chanticleers took a sledgehammer to the Fairfield Stags, winning 10-2 in a match that left fans wondering if they were watching a baseball game or a comedy sketch. The real stars of the show? None other than home run heroes Thorndyke and Dooley, who apparently took a crash course in “How to Hit a Baseball Like a Boss” just before the game.
Thorndyke, who is rumored to have been fueled by a breakfast of pure adrenaline and three energy drinks, launched a ball into orbit that was later confirmed to be orbiting the moon. “I just wanted to hit it far enough to make my mom proud,” he said, while simultaneously trying to figure out how to get his bat back from the stratosphere.
Dooley, on the other hand, decided to channel his inner Babe Ruth and hit a home run so majestic that it caused a flock of seagulls to spontaneously applaud. “I was just trying to impress my dog, Sparky,” he quipped. “He’s been judging my swing from the couch all season.”
Meanwhile, pitcher Flukey was busy striking out nine batters, a feat so impressive that even the scoreboard seemed to be in disbelief. “I thought I was just throwing spaghetti at the wall and hoping something would stick,” Flukey remarked, wiping sweat from his brow. “Turns out, spaghetti is a great pitching strategy!”
Fairfield’s coach, Bob “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” Johnson, was left scratching his head. “We came here to play baseball, not to be part of a circus act,” he lamented. “Next time, I’m bringing a trampoline for our outfielders.”
As the dust settled and the fans celebrated, one thing was clear: Coastal Carolina didn’t just win; they put on a show that will be talked about for generations. Or at least until next week’s game, when they’ll probably forget how to hit altogether.
