**Chicago Mayor Labels DOGE ‘An Act of War,’ Compares Trump’s Second Term to the Third Reich**
In a shocking press conference that left the nation scratching its collective head, Chicago Mayor P. Diddy McFlufferton declared the popular cryptocurrency Dogecoin an “act of war” and boldly compared a potential second term for Donald Trump to the rise of the Third Reich. “If you think about it, both involve a lot of barking and a complete disregard for reality,” McFlufferton stated, while petting a Shih Tzu named Sir Barksalot.
The mayor’s comments came after a particularly volatile week in the crypto market, where Dogecoin’s value fluctuated more than a toddler on a sugar high. “I mean, how can we trust a currency that’s literally named after a dog? What’s next, a currency based on cat memes? Oh wait, that’s already a thing!” he exclaimed, as he dramatically threw a handful of dog treats into the air.
In a bizarre twist, McFlufferton also claimed that Trump’s second term would involve “mandatory mustache grooming” and “mandatory attendance at rallies featuring interpretive dance.” He added, “If we’re going to have a dictator, at least let him be a fabulous one!”
Political analysts were left bewildered. “This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard since my Aunt Gertrude tried to convince me that pineapple belongs on pizza,” said local political expert and part-time magician, Houdini McSleight. “But honestly, I’m here for it.”
As the press conference concluded, McFlufferton urged citizens to “invest in real currency—like Monopoly money or Beanie Babies.” He then rode off into the sunset on a unicycle, leaving behind a trail of confused reporters and a very bewildered Sir Barksalot.
