**Chicago Faces Apocalyptic Skies as Dust Storm Warning is Issued**
In a shocking turn of events, Chicagoans woke up to what can only be described as the world’s worst Instagram filter: a thick layer of dust blanketing the city, prompting officials to issue a dust storm warning. Residents are now being advised to stay indoors, unless they’re looking to audition for a post-apocalyptic movie.
Local meteorologist, Chuck “Dusty” McCloud, explained the phenomenon: “It’s like Mother Nature decided to throw a rave, but forgot to clean up after herself. We’re talking about enough dust to make a 90s rock band jealous.”
As the skies turned a shade of brown that can only be described as “unappetizing oatmeal,” Chicagoans took to social media to express their concerns. One resident, Karen “I’m Not Leaving My House” Johnson, tweeted, “I always wanted to see the world end in style, but I didn’t think it would be with a side of allergies!”
Meanwhile, local businesses are cashing in on the chaos. Dusty’s Diner is offering a “Dusty Delight” special: a sandwich served with a complimentary layer of dust for that authentic apocalypse taste. Owner Dusty McDustface said, “We’re just trying to keep it real. Plus, it’s gluten-free!”
In a bizarre twist, the Chicago Dust Storm Survival Club has emerged, with members donning makeshift gas masks and goggles while practicing their “duck and cover” techniques. Club president, Bob “I’m Not Afraid of Dust” Smith, declared, “If I can survive the 2016 Cubs season, I can survive anything!”
As the dust settles (pun intended), Chicagoans are left wondering if they should stock up on water or just invest in a good air purifier. One thing is for sure: if you see someone wearing a dust mask while sipping a latte, just nod and smile. They’re probably just trying to keep it chic in the apocalypse.
