**Chicago Alderman Criticizes Mayor’s Hiring Practices During DOJ Investigation: “I Thought We Were Just Playing Monopoly!”**
In a shocking twist that has left the Windy City reeling, Chicago Alderman Larry “The Human Billboard” McGuffin has publicly criticized Mayor Lightfoot’s hiring practices amid an ongoing Department of Justice investigation. McGuffin, who is known for his questionable fashion choices and a penchant for wearing sandwich boards that read “Vote for Me, I’m Not a Crook,” held a press conference outside a local hot dog stand to air his grievances.
“Listen, I’m all for hiring the best and brightest,” McGuffin declared, while munching on a Chicago-style dog. “But when I found out the mayor was hiring people based on their ability to juggle flaming torches while reciting Shakespeare, I thought we were just playing Monopoly! I mean, I can barely manage my own budget, let alone a circus act!”
The Alderman went on to suggest that the mayor should consider hiring “actual qualified people” instead of “those who can do the worm on a dance floor.” He added, “I once hired my cousin Vinny to fix my car, and let’s just say I’m still waiting for the wheels to come back.”
In response, Mayor Lightfoot issued a statement saying, “I stand by my hiring practices. If you can’t juggle flaming torches, how can you handle the heat of city politics?” She then proceeded to challenge McGuffin to a juggling contest, which he promptly declined, citing a “prior engagement” with a Netflix binge.
As the investigation continues, one thing is clear: Chicago politics is as unpredictable as a hot dog vendor’s mustard dispenser. And if Alderman McGuffin has his way, the next hiring round will include a talent show. Stay tuned!
