**CDC Withdraws COVID Vaccine Guidance for Healthy Children and Pregnant Women: Experts Say “It’s Just a Phase”**
In a shocking turn of events that has left parents scratching their heads and conspiracy theorists sharpening their pencils, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has officially withdrawn its COVID vaccine guidance for healthy children and pregnant women. The announcement came during a press conference where Dr. Phil McCracken, the CDC’s Chief of Confusing Guidelines, stated, “We realized that kids are basically just tiny, germ-spreading machines, and pregnant women are already dealing with enough. Why add to their stress?”
The decision has sparked a wave of reactions, with some parents celebrating their newfound freedom to ignore yet another health guideline. “I mean, my kid already thinks broccoli is a form of punishment,” said local mom and self-proclaimed ‘Vaccine Skeptic’ Karen O’Malley. “What’s a little COVID on top of that?”
Meanwhile, Dr. Fanny Fumblebottom, a leading expert in “What’s the Worst That Could Happen?” said, “This is just a phase. Like when your teenager decides to dye their hair green and listen to death metal. It’ll pass. Just give it a few years.”
In a bizarre twist, the CDC also announced that they would be replacing the guidance with a new initiative called “Herd Immunity Through Hide-and-Seek,” which encourages children to play outside and avoid all forms of adult supervision. “It’s like a vaccine, but with more fun and fewer needles!” Dr. McCracken added, while juggling rubber chickens.
As the nation grapples with this unexpected news, one thing is clear: the only thing more contagious than COVID is the confusion surrounding it. So, parents, grab your rubber chickens and prepare for a wild ride—because who needs guidelines when you have good old-fashioned chaos?
