**CBP Discontinues Temporary Migrant Processing Sites Amid Sharp Decline in Apprehensions: “We Just Ran Out of Snacks!”**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the nation scratching its collective head, the Customs and Border Protection (CBP) has announced the discontinuation of temporary migrant processing sites due to a “sharp decline in apprehensions.” Sources say the decision was made after officials realized they had more nachos than migrants at their processing sites.
“Honestly, we just ran out of snacks,” said CBP spokesperson Chuck “Nacho” Cheese. “We thought we’d be swimming in guacamole and salsa, but it turns out people don’t want to cross the border just for our five-star nacho bar. Who knew?”
The decline in apprehensions has left CBP officials with a surplus of folding chairs and a questionable amount of taco seasoning. “We were prepared for a fiesta, not a siesta,” lamented local taco truck owner Juan “Taco” Bell. “I had my best piñata ready for the grand opening, and now it’s just sitting there, sad and deflated.”
In a bizarre twist, the CBP has decided to repurpose the now-empty processing sites into “Migrant Retreat Centers,” where they will offer yoga classes and meditation sessions for those who are still waiting for their visas. “We figured if we can’t process them, we might as well help them find their inner peace,” said Zen Master and CBP intern, Yogi Bear.
Meanwhile, the decline in apprehensions has sparked a new trend among border-crossers. “I used to cross for the American Dream, but now I just want to cross for the nachos,” said aspiring migrant and nacho enthusiast, Maria Quesadilla. “I hear they’re really good!”
As the nation grapples with this unexpected turn of events, one thing is clear: the only thing more unpredictable than border policy is the appetite for nachos. Stay tuned for updates as we follow this cheesy saga!
