**Catholic Students Seek Sanctuary at Princeton University’s Worship Space and Celebrate New Pope**
In a shocking turn of events, a group of Catholic students at Princeton University has declared the university’s worship space a “sanctuary” for all things holy, including but not limited to pizza, existential crises, and the newly elected Pope, Francis III (not to be confused with the previous two Popes, who were apparently just practice runs).
The students, led by self-proclaimed “Pope Whisperer” and theology major, Mary “Holy Guacamole” Johnson, have taken it upon themselves to host a week-long celebration in honor of the new pontiff. “We figured if we can’t find God in the library, we might as well find Him in the chapel,” said Johnson, while balancing a stack of theology books and a slice of pepperoni pizza.
The festivities kicked off with a rousing game of “Pin the Mitre on the Pope,” which ended in chaos when sophomore Tom “Holy Roller” Thompson accidentally pinned it on the campus statue of John Witherspoon. “I thought it was a modern art installation,” Thompson explained, still trying to remove the mitre from the statue’s head.
In a bold move, the students also decided to host a “Papal Karaoke Night,” where attendees could belt out their favorite hymns and pop songs with a religious twist. “I’m just here to sing ‘Like a Prayer’ and hope the Pope hears me,” said junior Sarah “Sister Act” O’Malley, who was last seen trying to convince the campus security to join in.
As the week progressed, the students reported an increase in foot traffic to the worship space, with some claiming they saw a vision of the Pope himself. “It was just a reflection of the stained glass, but it was still pretty cool,” said freshman Kevin “Confessional” McCarthy, who promptly confessed to eating the last slice of pizza.
As the celebration continues, the students remain hopeful that their sanctuary will not only provide a safe haven for Catholic students but also a place where they can ponder life’s greatest mysteries—like why the cafeteria still serves tuna salad on Fridays. In the words of Mary Johnson, “If the Pope can forgive sins, surely he can forgive us for our culinary choices.”
Stay tuned for next week’s event: “Holy Water Balloon Fight,” where the only sin is getting wet!
