**California Senator Accused of DUI Claims She Was Sober: “I Was Just Testing My New Self-Driving Car!”**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the Golden State reeling, California Senator Linda “The Speedster” McBumper was pulled over late Saturday night for allegedly driving under the influence. However, in a press conference that can only be described as a masterclass in creative excuses, McBumper insisted she was completely sober, claiming she was merely “conducting a very important experiment” with her new self-driving car.
“I was testing the limits of technology, folks!” McBumper declared, her hair slightly askew and a suspiciously large bottle of sparkling water in hand. “I mean, who needs a designated driver when you have a car that can parallel park itself? I was just letting it take me to Taco Bell!”
Witnesses reported seeing McBumper swerving between lanes while passionately singing “Don’t Stop Believin’” at the top of her lungs. “She was definitely not sober,” said local resident and taco enthusiast, Juan “Taco” Bell. “But I can’t blame her; that song is a classic!”
When asked about the incident, McBumper’s campaign manager, Chuck “The Enabler” McGee, chimed in, “Look, she wasn’t drunk; she was just really, really excited about the new avocado toast menu at her favorite brunch spot. Who wouldn’t be?”
As the story unfolds, McBumper has vowed to fight the charges, stating, “I’ll take a breathalyzer test right after I finish this kale smoothie. It’s all about balance, people!”
In a surprising twist, the senator has also announced plans to introduce a new bill that would legalize “experimental driving” for all Californians, claiming it could boost the economy and reduce traffic congestion. “Imagine a world where everyone is just testing their cars! It’s like a giant game of bumper cars, but with more avocado toast!”
As the state waits for the dust to settle, one thing is clear: California politics just got a whole lot more entertaining. Stay tuned for updates on this developing story, and remember, folks—always let your self-driving car do the drinking!
