**Boulder Terror Suspect’s Visa Overstay: A Comedy of Errors in the Biden Administration**
In a plot twist that could only be scripted by a team of caffeinated monkeys, the Biden Administration has issued a work permit to a Boulder terror suspect who, it turns out, overstayed his visa longer than your uncle at a Thanksgiving dinner. The suspect, identified as “Abdul ‘I’m Just Here for the Wi-Fi’ Smith,” was reportedly living in Boulder, Colorado, where he was last seen trying to blend in by wearing a “Keep Boulder Weird” t-shirt and sipping on a pumpkin spice latte.
“Honestly, I thought he was just another hipster,” said local barista, Jenna “I’m Not a Barista, I’m a Coffee Artist” Thompson. “He kept asking for oat milk and talking about his ‘spiritual journey.’ I had no idea he was a terror suspect! I mean, who would suspect someone with such a refined taste in lattes?”
The Biden Administration defended the decision, stating, “We believe in second chances. Plus, he was really good at making TikTok videos about the best hiking trails in Boulder. We can’t let talent like that go to waste!”
In a bizarre twist, Abdul was granted a work permit to become a “Cultural Ambassador” for Boulder, which apparently involves hosting yoga classes and teaching people how to properly pronounce “quinoa.” “I’m just here to spread peace and avocado toast,” Abdul reportedly said in a recent interview, while simultaneously Googling “how to make a bomb out of organic kale.”
As the nation watches this absurd saga unfold, one thing is clear: if you’re going to overstay your visa, make sure you do it in a place where the coffee is strong and the people are even stronger. After all, who wouldn’t want to be a terror suspect in a town that’s more concerned about gluten-free bagels than actual terrorism?
