Bob Edward McGuire, a man of mystery, magic, and mild confusion, hails from the magical, mythical land of Brigadoon, Scotland — a place so elusive that not even Google Maps can pinpoint it. Despite being born in the ancient town of Who-Knows-Where, Bob has single-handedly redefined the art of satirical news. When asked about his origin, Bob replies, “I was raised by a clan of over-enthusiastic bagpipers who believed sarcasm was a form of witchcraft.”
Bob McGuire, Riddling the Sphinx
Bob’s rise to fame came with his groundbreaking exposé on the Loch Ness Monster, which he boldly claimed was not a prehistoric creature, but rather a mutant, glow-in-the-dark eel that grew to monstrous proportions due to the toxic waste dumped into Loch Ness by a series of extremely questionable fish fry festivals. This revelation led to Bob’s brief, yet transformative stint in Ardsmuir Prison, where he spent six months in solitary confinement (with an extensive reading list of The Onion). “The truth will set you free… but it might also land you in jail,” Bob frequently quips.
This life-altering experience made Bob rethink his career, and he chose to abandon factual reporting in favor of something far more fun: making up the facts entirely. So, in 2000, he founded The Daily Circus, the number one satirical news site on the internet — mainly because Bob’s Google search results say so, and who’s going to argue with that?
Bob’s journey to becoming the world’s leading expert in humorous nonsense was not without its detours. After relocating to Rochester, NY, Bob had a brief flirtation with “normal life,” including an ill-fated attempt at running a bagel shop. “People didn’t appreciate my bagels. They were filled with sarcasm and gluten-free despair,” he recalls. But his true love was not in carbs—it was in absurdity. So, Bob packed his bags (and maybe a few expired bagels) and moved to Walla Walla, Washington, where he officially founded The Daily Circus and began writing the type of news you read when you want to feel better about your life choices.
“I started The Daily Circus to fill a void,” Bob says, “The void was laughter, and the void was also my bank account at the time.” Now, Bob spends his days relentlessly mocking the world’s most absurd headlines and writing articles about how the government is secretly planning to replace all cows with robots. “It’s for the environment. And also, for the sweet sound of robot moos,” he adds with a wink.
Bob’s mission? To bring laughter and confusion to the masses, one satirical headline at a time. “Some people take life seriously,” Bob muses. “I take life seriously, too. But only if there’s a pie involved.”
So, if you’re looking for a place to read “news” that might actually make you snort coffee through your nose, you’ve come to the right place. Welcome to The Daily Circus — where we promise nothing but absurdity and the occasional fact (but only if it’s funny).