**Biden Challenges Authors of Cognitive Decline Book, Vows to ‘Beat the Hell Out of’ Them**
In a shocking turn of events that has left political analysts scratching their heads and comedians rubbing their hands in glee, President Joe Biden has publicly challenged the authors of a controversial new book titled *Cognitive Decline: A Comprehensive Guide to Forgetting Where You Left Your Keys*. During a press conference that was supposed to focus on infrastructure, Biden took a detour into the realm of literary smackdowns.
“Listen here, folks,” Biden declared, adjusting his aviator sunglasses and leaning into the microphone. “I’m not just the President; I’m also a man who remembers where he parked his car—most of the time. So, to the authors of this book, I say: I’ll beat the hell out of you in a debate, and I’ll do it while reciting the entire Gettysburg Address backward!”
The authors, Dr. Mindy M. Forgetful and her co-writer, Professor Al Zheimer, were reportedly taken aback by the challenge. “We just wanted to help people understand cognitive decline,” said Forgetful, who then forgot what she was saying mid-sentence. “But if Biden wants to throw down, we’re ready! I’ve been practicing my verbal jabs with my cat, Mr. Whiskers.”
In a bizarre twist, Biden’s press secretary, Karla “The Brain” Babbles, announced that the debate will take place in a boxing ring, complete with oversized gloves and a referee dressed as a giant brain. “We’re calling it ‘The Rumble in the Jungle of Memory Loss,’” she said, while simultaneously forgetting the date of the event.
As the nation waits with bated breath for this epic showdown, one thing is clear: whether it’s cognitive decline or just a case of the giggles, Biden is ready to prove that he’s still got it—whatever “it” is.
