**Biden Aides Subpoenaed to Testify on Alleged Mental Decline Cover-Up: “He’s Just Really Into Napping!”**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the nation both amused and mildly concerned, several aides to President Joe Biden have been subpoenaed to testify regarding allegations of a cover-up surrounding the Commander-in-Chief’s alleged mental decline. Sources close to the investigation claim that the aides have been “hiding the truth” behind Biden’s frequent naps and his uncanny ability to forget where he left his glasses—on his head.
“Look, it’s not a cover-up,” said White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre, who was seen frantically searching for her own glasses during the press briefing. “He’s just really into napping! It’s a lifestyle choice, not a mental health crisis. Besides, have you seen the state of the world? Who wouldn’t want to take a nap?”
The subpoenas reportedly include requests for documents, emails, and a detailed account of Biden’s favorite napping spots. “We’re just trying to figure out if he’s been napping in the Oval Office or if he’s been sneaking off to the Lincoln Bedroom for some quality shut-eye,” said lead investigator Chuck “The Sleepy Sleuth” Thompson.
One aide, who wished to remain anonymous but was definitely not named “Bobby McNaps,” claimed, “The President is as sharp as a tack! A very, very dull tack, but a tack nonetheless. He just has a lot on his mind—like what flavor of ice cream he wants next.”
As the investigation unfolds, the nation waits with bated breath (and perhaps a pillow) to see if Biden’s aides will reveal the truth behind the alleged cover-up. Meanwhile, Biden has been spotted at local ice cream shops, reportedly asking for “the one that tastes like freedom” while simultaneously forgetting what day it is.
In the end, whether it’s a cover-up or just a case of “too much time in the sun,” one thing is clear: America is ready for a nap, and so is Joe.
