**Authorities Investigate Suspect’s Nihilistic Writings in California Fertility Clinic Bombing**
In a shocking turn of events, authorities are investigating the writings of a suspect in the recent California fertility clinic bombing, which has left many wondering if the suspect was more interested in existential dread than actual destruction. The suspect, identified as 32-year-old Chad “The Nihilist” McBummer, was apprehended after a series of bizarre social media posts that included phrases like “Why bother with life when you can just watch Netflix?” and “Fertility? More like ‘Futility’!”
Local police chief, Officer Joyful McOptimist, stated, “We’ve seen a lot of strange things in our line of work, but this guy takes the cake. His manifesto reads like a bad poetry slam mixed with a Yelp review of a salad bar. It’s both confusing and oddly appetizing.”
Witnesses reported that McBummer was often seen at the clinic, scribbling furiously in a notebook while muttering, “Life is a series of unfortunate events, and I’m just here for the snacks.” One clinic employee, who wished to remain anonymous, added, “He once asked me if I believed in fate. I told him I believed in free samples, and he looked at me like I was the crazy one.”
As investigators sift through McBummer’s writings, they’ve uncovered a treasure trove of nihilistic gems, including a poem titled “Why Bother?” which ends with the line, “In the end, we’re all just dust bunnies under the couch of existence.”
Psychologist Dr. Ima Quack theorized, “This is clearly a case of someone who took ‘finding oneself’ a bit too literally. I mean, who bombs a fertility clinic? That’s like throwing a pie at a clown convention—just plain rude!”
As the investigation continues, authorities are urging anyone with information about McBummer’s whereabouts or his questionable taste in literature to come forward. Meanwhile, the fertility clinic has announced a new “Nihilism Awareness Week,” featuring workshops on how to embrace the void while still enjoying avocado toast.
Stay tuned for updates on this bizarre case, and remember: if you’re feeling existential, maybe just stick to journaling instead of bomb-making.
