**Aunt Calls on Convicted Murderer to Turn Himself In Amid Ongoing Orleans Parish Jail Manhunt**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the entire city of New Orleans scratching its head, local aunt and self-proclaimed “family values ambassador,” Marge “The Enforcer” Thompson, has publicly urged her nephew, convicted murderer and part-time magician, Billy “The Disappearing Act” Johnson, to turn himself in. This comes amid a chaotic manhunt for Johnson, who has been evading authorities since his escape from Orleans Parish Jail last Tuesday.
“I just don’t understand why he won’t just come home for Sunday dinner,” Marge lamented while adjusting her rhinestone-studded apron. “I mean, I’ve got a pot roast that could make even the toughest criminal weep. Plus, I promised him I’d finally share the secret family recipe for my famous gumbo. It’s a win-win!”
Witnesses report that Johnson, who is known for his uncanny ability to vanish during family gatherings, was last seen attempting to blend in with a group of tourists on Bourbon Street, wearing a Hawaiian shirt and oversized sunglasses. “He looked like a bad episode of ‘Cops,’” said local bartender and amateur detective, Jimmy “The Nose” McAllister. “I thought he was just trying to escape his family!”
Marge, however, remains optimistic. “I’ve told him a million times, ‘Billy, you can’t outrun your problems. But you can outrun the cops if you wear the right shoes!’” she quipped, referencing her nephew’s questionable fashion choices.
As the manhunt continues, local authorities are reportedly considering a new strategy: offering Johnson a lifetime supply of beignets in exchange for his surrender. “We’re hoping the sweet smell of powdered sugar will lure him out,” said Sheriff Bob “The Sweet Tooth” Jenkins. “If that doesn’t work, we’ll just send in Marge with her gumbo. No one can resist that!”
In the meantime, Marge is holding out hope that her nephew will come to his senses. “I just want him to know that family is everything,” she said, wiping away a tear. “And if he doesn’t turn himself in soon, I’m sending Aunt Edna after him with a wooden spoon. Trust me, he’ll wish he was back in jail!”
As the saga unfolds, one thing is clear: in New Orleans, even a manhunt can’t compete with the power of a determined aunt armed with a pot roast and a heart full of love.
