**Army Corps Study Reveals Significant Environmental Effects of Great Lakes Pipeline Tunnel: Fish Now Demanding Union Representation**
In a groundbreaking study that has left environmentalists and fish alike flopping in disbelief, the Army Corps of Engineers has revealed that the proposed Great Lakes Pipeline Tunnel could have significant environmental effects. The report, which was accidentally printed on the back of a pizza menu, suggests that the tunnel could disrupt the delicate ecosystem of the Great Lakes, leading to a potential fish uprising.
“Honestly, we thought it was just a glorified fish highway,” said Dr. Gill Finnegan, a marine biologist who specializes in fish negotiations. “But now we’re hearing that fish are organizing for better working conditions. They want health benefits, paid vacation, and a union representative. I mean, who knew fish had such high expectations?”
The study also found that the construction of the tunnel could lead to increased traffic in the underwater world, causing fish to complain about noise pollution. “I can’t even hear myself swim!” exclaimed Bubbles McGill, a local trout and self-proclaimed environmental activist. “I used to enjoy my morning swims in peace, but now I’m dodging construction debris and listening to the sound of jackhammers. It’s a nightmare!”
In response to the study, the Army Corps has promised to hold a series of public forums, where fish will be allowed to voice their concerns. “We’re committed to transparency,” said Colonel Sandy Waters, who is in charge of the project. “We want to ensure that all aquatic life feels heard, even if they can’t actually speak.”
Meanwhile, local residents are divided on the issue. “I just want my lake to stay clean,” said Betty Bubbles, a concerned citizen. “But if the fish want a union, I say let them have it. They deserve a voice, even if it’s just a gurgle.”
As the debate rages on, one thing is clear: the Great Lakes Pipeline Tunnel may not just be a construction project; it could be the start of a new era of fish activism. And who knows? Maybe one day we’ll see fish in suits, marching for their rights, while humans sit back and enjoy their pizza—hopefully delivered without any environmental side effects.
