**Altuve Shines with 4 Hits and 2 Homers as Astros Crush A’s 11-1: A Game So Good Even the A’s Fans Started Cheering for the Astros**
In a game that can only be described as a masterclass in baseball domination, Jose Altuve decided to channel his inner superhero, racking up four hits and two home runs as the Houston Astros obliterated the Oakland Athletics 11-1. The A’s, meanwhile, were left wondering if they had accidentally wandered into a high school baseball game instead of a major league showdown.
Witnesses reported that Altuve’s first home run was so powerful it not only cleared the outfield fence but also sent a nearby hot dog vendor into a state of existential crisis. “I thought I was selling hot dogs, not witnessing a nuclear explosion,” said Frank “The Dogfather” McGee, who has been selling hot dogs at the stadium since the dawn of time. “I’m still trying to figure out how to charge for the therapy session I’ll need after that.”
Astros manager Dusty Baker was ecstatic after the game, stating, “I told Altuve to just swing like he’s trying to hit a piñata at a five-year-old’s birthday party. Clearly, he took that advice to heart. I’m just glad he didn’t bring a bat made of candy.”
Meanwhile, A’s fans were seen wearing Astros gear and chanting, “We’re all in this together!” as they tried to find solace in the fact that at least they weren’t the worst team in the league—oh wait, yes they are. “I thought I was coming to watch a baseball game, not a demolition derby,” lamented lifelong A’s fan and part-time philosopher, Gary “The Optimist” Johnson. “But hey, at least I got a free hot dog out of it!”
As the game concluded, Altuve was seen signing autographs for fans, while the A’s players were busy Googling “How to Play Baseball 101.” In a post-game interview, Altuve quipped, “I just wanted to make sure the A’s had a memorable night. I mean, who doesn’t love a good comedy show?”
In the end, the Astros left the field victorious, and the A’s left the field wondering if they should consider a career in interpretive dance instead. Stay tuned for next week’s matchup, where the Astros will face off against the local high school team—because at this point, it’s anyone’s game!
