As the Fourth of July deadline looms, the Senate is racing to finalize Trump’s big bill. With so much at stake, everyone is on edge to see what makes the cut and what gets left behind. Here’s a rundown of what’s in and what’s out of Trump’s big bill:
In: A provision to build a giant wall around Mar-a-Lago to keep out pesky reporters and Democrats. Trump was quoted as saying, “This wall will be huge, the best wall you’ve ever seen. And Mexico is going to pay for it, believe me.”
Out: Funding for Meals on Wheels. When asked about this cut, Senator Fake McFakerson said, “Who needs meals on wheels when you can just eat gold-plated steak like the President?”
In: A tax break for billionaires. Ivanka Trump was overheard saying, “Finally, the little people are getting the break they deserve.”
Out: Healthcare for all Americans. When questioned about this omission, Senator Real McRealerson said, “Who needs healthcare when you can just pray the sickness away?”
In: A provision to rename the White House to the Trump House. Melania Trump was reportedly thrilled with this change, stating, “It’s about time the White House reflects who really runs the show around here.”
Out: Funding for public schools. Betsy DeVos defended this cut by saying, “Who needs public schools when you can just buy your child’s education?”
In: A tax credit for golf courses owned by the Trump family. Eric Trump was ecstatic about this addition, exclaiming, “Finally, the little guys in the golf industry are getting the break they deserve.”
Out: Environmental protections. When asked about this removal, Scott Pruitt simply shrugged and said, “Who needs clean air and water when you can just buy bottled?”
With the Fourth of July deadline fast approaching, it’s anyone’s guess what will end up in Trump’s big bill. But one thing is for sure, it’s going to be a wild ride to the finish line. Stay tuned for more updates on this ridiculous saga.
