In a shocking turn of events, Venezuelan opposition member, Juan Guaido, has come forward to detail his harrowing 400-day captivity at the United Nations. Yes, you read that right – the UN, the supposed beacon of peace and diplomacy, turned out to be the stuff of nightmares for poor Juan.
According to Guaido, he was held captive in a small room with only a desk, a chair, and a copy of the UN Charter for company. “It was like being stuck in a never-ending committee meeting,” Guaido lamented. “I begged them to let me out, but they just kept telling me to follow proper procedure and submit a formal complaint.”
But the real kicker? Guaido claims that his captors were none other than the elusive UN Secretary-General, Antonio Guterres, and his trusty sidekick, Ban Ki-moon. Yes, the same Ban Ki-moon who used to grace our TV screens with his soothing voice and impeccable suits.
In a fake quote provided by Guaido, he recounted a particularly bizarre encounter with Guterres and Ban Ki-moon. “They would come into my room every day, wearing their fancy suits and speaking in that annoyingly diplomatic tone,” Guaido said. “They would offer me tea and cookies, but when I tried to escape, they would hit me with a stack of peace treaties.”
The UN has denied these allegations, calling them “absurd and baseless.” But we can’t help but wonder – is there more to this story than meets the eye? Could the UN be hiding a dark secret behind its pristine facade?
One thing’s for sure – Juan Guaido’s tale of captivity at the UN is a cautionary one. So next time you find yourself at the UN headquarters, keep an eye out for any suspicious-looking diplomats. You never know when you might end up in a 400-day committee meeting from hell.
