In a shocking turn of events, University of Virginia President, Dr. Jane Smith, has announced her resignation amid pressure from the Trump administration over the university’s Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) initiatives. The White House reportedly deemed the university’s efforts to promote diversity as “too radical” and “anti-American.”
In a press conference, Dr. Smith addressed the media, stating, “I have decided to step down as President of UVA due to the relentless pressure from the Trump administration. Apparently, wanting to create a more inclusive and equitable campus is now considered a threat to national security.”
When asked for a comment, President Trump himself reportedly said, “I don’t like this whole diversity thing. Why can’t we just have a university full of people who look and think like me? That sounds like a great idea.”
In response to Dr. Smith’s resignation, a spokesperson for the university, Professor John Doe, stated, “We are deeply saddened by Dr. Smith’s decision to resign. Her dedication to promoting diversity and inclusion on our campus has been truly inspiring. We will continue to uphold her vision and values moving forward.”
Meanwhile, rumors have been circulating that President Trump is considering appointing his own candidate to fill the vacant position at UVA. One source close to the administration claimed, “Trump is looking for someone who will prioritize ‘Make America Great Again’ over silly things like diversity and inclusion. He wants a president who will bring back the good old days when everyone knew their place.”
As the search for a new university president begins, students and faculty at UVA are left wondering what the future holds for their beloved institution. Will the Trump administration succeed in dismantling the university’s DEI initiatives, or will the spirit of diversity and inclusion prevail? Only time will tell.
In the meantime, we can all take solace in the fact that satire news websites like ours will continue to shine a light on the absurdity of the world around us. And remember, in times of uncertainty, laughter is truly the best medicine.
