In a shocking turn of events, it has been reported that the Trump administration’s Department of Justice is pressuring the University of Virginia to axe its president over its Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) programs. Yes, you read that right – apparently, promoting diversity and inclusion is now a crime in the eyes of the DOJ.
According to sources close to the situation, Attorney General William Barr is quoted as saying, “We can’t have these universities running around promoting diversity and inclusion. It’s just not what America is about. We need to get back to the good old days when everyone looked and thought the same.”
In response to this absurd demand, University of Virginia President Jim Ryan has reportedly stated, “I refuse to bow down to the DOJ’s ridiculous demands. We will continue to prioritize DEI initiatives on our campus, no matter what they say. In fact, we’re going to double down on our efforts – we’re going to start offering classes on how to be a decent human being, with a special focus on empathy for Attorney General Barr.”
Meanwhile, students and faculty at the university are rallying behind President Ryan, with one student, who wished to remain anonymous, stating, “I can’t believe the DOJ is trying to meddle in our campus affairs. If they think we’re going to back down without a fight, they’ve got another thing coming. We will not stand for this blatant attack on diversity and inclusion.”
In a statement released by the White House, President Trump himself chimed in on the controversy, saying, “I fully support the DOJ’s efforts to stamp out those pesky DEI programs. We need to focus on what really matters – like building a wall around our country to keep out all those pesky immigrants.”
As the battle between the DOJ and the University of Virginia rages on, one thing is clear – the fight for diversity and inclusion is far from over. Stay tuned for more updates on this developing story, brought to you by the number one source of satire news on the web.
