In a shocking turn of events, the Trump administration has set its sights on Harvard University, accusing the prestigious institution of discriminating against Jewish students. In a statement released by the White House, President Trump himself threatened to pull all funding from the university if they did not address the alleged bias.
The probe, led by Attorney General William Barr, claims that Harvard has been systematically denying admission to Jewish students based on their religious beliefs. When asked for evidence to support these claims, Barr responded with a resounding “Believe me, we have the best evidence. Tremendous evidence. Huge evidence.”
Harvard officials have vehemently denied the accusations, with President Larry Bacow stating, “This is absurd. We have a long history of promoting diversity and inclusion on our campus. Just last week, we had a bagel brunch in honor of Hanukkah!”
However, the Trump administration remains unconvinced, with Education Secretary Betsy DeVos chiming in, “I have it on good authority that Harvard is secretly run by a group of anti-Semitic squirrels. We must protect our Jewish students from these rodent overlords!”
In response to the threat of defunding, Harvard has announced plans to launch a new initiative aimed at increasing the number of Jewish students on campus. The program, titled “Matzo Madness,” will offer scholarships to students who can recite the entire Torah from memory.
Meanwhile, the internet has been abuzz with reactions to the news. Twitter user @CheetoLover69 tweeted, “Can’t believe Harvard is discriminating against Jewish students. What’s next, Yale banning students who wear yarmulkes?”
As the controversy continues to unfold, one thing is clear: the Trump administration is not backing down in its fight against discrimination, real or imagined. Stay tuned for more updates on this developing story, and remember to take everything you read with a grain of kosher salt.
