In a shocking move that has left many scratching their heads, the Trump administration has announced the end of temporary protected status for Haitian migrants currently residing in the US. The decision has sparked outrage and confusion among both the Haitian community and the general public.
In a press conference announcing the decision, Secretary of Homeland Security Kirstjen Nielsen stated, “We have determined that conditions in Haiti have improved significantly since the earthquake in 2010, and it is now safe for Haitian migrants to return home.” When asked how she came to this conclusion, Nielsen replied, “I consulted my Magic 8-Ball, and it said ‘Outlook good.’ So there you have it.”
The decision has left many Haitian migrants in a state of panic, unsure of what their future holds. One Haitian migrant, Jean Baptiste, expressed his disbelief at the news, stating, “I have been living in the US for years now, and suddenly they want to kick me out? This is outrageous!” However, not everyone is opposed to the decision. One Trump supporter, who wished to remain anonymous, chimed in with, “Good riddance! We don’t need any more Haitians taking our jobs and eating all our delicious American food.”
In response to the backlash, President Trump took to Twitter to defend the decision, tweeting, “We have to put America first! No more free rides for these Haitians. They need to go back and make Haiti great again!” When asked for further comment, a White House spokesperson simply replied, “Covfefe.”
As the deadline for Haitian migrants to leave the US looms closer, many are left wondering what will happen next. Will they be deported? Will they be granted a last-minute reprieve? Only time will tell. In the meantime, all we can do is hope for the best and maybe invest in a Magic 8-Ball of our own.
