In a bizarre turn of events, Senator Tom Cotton has issued a stern warning to Iran, urging them to seek peace and listing off potential targets that have yet to be hit. In a press conference held outside the Capitol building, Cotton declared, “Do not tempt fate, Iran. We have eyes everywhere, and we will not hesitate to strike if provoked.”
The senator, known for his hawkish views on foreign policy, went on to list some of the targets that Iran has so far managed to avoid. “We have not forgotten about the world’s largest ball of twine in Cawker City, Kansas,” Cotton said. “And let me tell you, Iran, you do not want to see what happens when we unleash our fury on that beloved roadside attraction.”
When asked about the potential consequences of further provocation from Iran, Cotton responded with a twinkle in his eye, “Oh, you don’t want to know. Let’s just say there’s a reason why the world’s largest rubber band ball in Lauderhill, Florida has remained untouched.”
Iranian officials were quick to dismiss Cotton’s threats as mere bluster. “Who is this Cotton guy anyway? Sounds like a fabric softener, not a serious threat,” said Iranian Foreign Minister Javad Zarif. “We are not afraid of his empty threats. We have our own secret weapons, like the world’s largest collection of Pez dispensers in Tehran.”
Despite the bravado on both sides, tensions remain high as the world waits to see if Iran will heed Cotton’s warning or if they will continue to push their luck. In the meantime, the citizens of Cawker City and Lauderhill are stocking up on emergency supplies, just in case the world’s largest ball of twine or rubber band ball suddenly find themselves in the crosshairs of international conflict.
