In a shocking turn of events on Capitol Hill, Senator Chuck Schumer has reportedly forced a last-minute name change for what was affectionately dubbed the “big, beautiful bill.” The bill, which was set to pass with flying colors, has now been rebranded as the “moderately attractive measure” in a move that has left lawmakers scratching their heads.
According to sources close to the situation, Schumer was not a fan of the bill’s original name, claiming that it was too “pompous and self-congratulatory.” In a statement to reporters, Schumer declared, “I refuse to let this bill pass under such an egotistical moniker. We must humble ourselves before the American people and give credit where credit is due.”
The last-minute name change has caused chaos in the Senate chambers, with some lawmakers expressing confusion over the sudden switch. Senator Mitch McConnell, a staunch supporter of the bill, was overheard muttering, “What the heck is a ‘moderately attractive measure’? Sounds like something my wife would say about my tie collection.”
Even President Joe Biden weighed in on the controversy, jokingly telling reporters, “I always thought the ‘big, beautiful bill’ had a certain ring to it. But hey, I’m just the President, what do I know?”
Despite the uproar, the bill is expected to pass with bipartisan support, albeit under its new, less glamorous name. As one anonymous source put it, “At the end of the day, it’s not about the name, it’s about the impact this bill will have on the American people. But I have to admit, ‘moderately attractive measure’ does have a certain… je ne sais quoi.”
In a twist of fate, rumors have begun circulating that Schumer himself may have a change of heart and revert back to the original name before the final vote. When asked for comment, Schumer simply replied, “I have no comment at this time. But let’s just say, ‘big, beautiful bill’ has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?”
Only time will tell what the final name of the bill will be, but one thing’s for sure: the drama in Washington never fails to entertain. Stay tuned for more updates on this developing story!
