In a shocking turn of events, the Supreme Court of the United States has announced that they will be hearing the case of one Mr. Bob Marley, a Rastafarian whose dreadlocks were shaved by prison guards. The incident occurred at Sing Sing Correctional Facility in New York, where Mr. Marley was serving time for possession of a small amount of marijuana.
When asked for a statement, Mr. Marley simply said, “No woman, no cry. But seriously, this is a violation of my religious freedom and I will not stand for it.” His lawyer, John Legalbeagle, added, “This is a clear case of discrimination against Mr. Marley’s religious beliefs. We will be arguing that his dreadlocks are a fundamental part of his identity as a Rastafarian and should not have been forcibly removed.”
The prison guards involved in the incident have defended their actions, claiming that Mr. Marley’s dreadlocks posed a security risk. In a statement, Captain Buzzcut said, “We had to shave Mr. Marley’s dreadlocks for the safety of the prison population. Who knows what kind of contraband could have been hidden in there? We were just following protocol.”
However, the Supreme Court seems to be taking Mr. Marley’s side in this case. Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg was quoted as saying, “It is clear that Mr. Marley’s religious rights were violated in this situation. We must ensure that all individuals are able to practice their beliefs freely, even behind bars.”
The case is set to be heard next month, and Mr. Marley is hopeful that justice will be served. In the meantime, he has started a GoFundMe page to raise money for a new set of dreadlocks. As he put it, “I may have lost my locks, but I will never lose my spirit. One love, my brothers and sisters.”
Stay tuned for more updates on this bizarre and hair-raising case as it unfolds. And remember, when it comes to matters of religious freedom and hairdos, the Supreme Court is always ready to weigh in.
