In a shocking move that has left many scratching their heads, Senator Marco Rubio has announced new visa restrictions on families of fentanyl traffickers. Yes, you read that right – fentanyl traffickers. Because apparently, if your uncle is smuggling drugs, you shouldn’t be allowed to visit Disneyland.
When asked about the reasoning behind this bizarre decision, Rubio had this to say: “We simply cannot allow the families of these criminals to benefit from the fruits of their illegal activities. It’s bad enough that they’re ruining people’s lives with their dangerous drugs, but we draw the line at letting their cousins come to the United States for a vacation.”
One concerned citizen, who wished to remain anonymous, had this to say about the new restrictions: “I can’t believe this is actually happening. My sister-in-law’s nephew’s best friend’s dog walker’s cousin is a fentanyl trafficker, and now I can’t even go to Miami for a weekend getaway. It’s ridiculous!”
In response to the backlash, Rubio’s office released a statement saying, “We understand that some people may be inconvenienced by these new restrictions, but we must prioritize the safety and security of our country over the desires of a few individuals.”
But not everyone is convinced. One fake expert, Dr. Phil McCracken, commented, “This is just another example of politicians making knee-jerk decisions without thinking about the consequences. What’s next, banning the families of jaywalkers from getting driver’s licenses?”
As the debate rages on, one thing is clear – Rubio’s new visa restrictions are certainly causing a stir. So if you have any fentanyl traffickers in your family, you might want to start looking for alternative vacation plans. Disneyland may have to wait.
