In a shocking turn of events, the CEO of Red Flags, a company that specializes in exposing paid agitators in violent anti-ICE riots, has come forward with some eyebrow-raising revelations. According to CEO Bob Smith, their team has uncovered a network of hired troublemakers who are stirring up chaos in the streets.
“We’ve been tracking these paid agitators for months now, and let me tell you, they are not as sneaky as they think they are,” Smith said in a recent press conference. “They may be trying to pass themselves off as passionate protesters, but we see right through their charade.”
Smith went on to reveal that many of these agitators are actually actors hired by shadowy organizations with nefarious motives. “These so-called protesters are nothing more than puppets on a string, dancing to the tune of their wealthy puppet masters,” Smith declared.
One of the most shocking discoveries made by Red Flags was the revelation that a notorious agitator known as “Riot Rick” was actually being paid by a local pizza shop to cause mayhem in the streets. When confronted with this information, Riot Rick responded with a sheepish shrug and a mumbled apology. “Hey, a guy’s gotta eat, right?” he quipped.
But the real bombshell came when Red Flags exposed the leader of a violent anti-ICE riot as none other than Mildred Jenkins, a sweet old lady who runs a knitting club in her spare time. When asked about her involvement in the riots, Mildred simply laughed and said, “Oh dear, I must have gotten carried away with all the excitement. I’ll have to remember to knit myself a nice little protest sign next time.”
As the truth about these paid agitators continues to come to light, one thing is clear: the streets may be filled with chaos, but they are also filled with hilarity. And thanks to Red Flags, we can all rest a little easier knowing that the real troublemakers are being exposed for the world to see.
