In a shocking turn of events, renowned anti-vaxxer RFK Jr has come out in support of wearable tech to track health. Yes, you read that right – the man who famously believes vaccines are evil is now advocating for Americans to strap on some fancy gadgets to monitor their well-being. Talk about a plot twist!
In a recent press conference, RFK Jr declared, “I used to think vaccines were the enemy, but now I see the real danger is not knowing how many steps you’ve taken in a day. Wearable tech is the future, folks!” When asked about his sudden change of heart, RFK Jr simply replied, “Well, I figured if I can’t stop people from getting vaccinated, I might as well try to get them to count their daily steps instead.”
RFK Jr isn’t the only one jumping on the wearable tech bandwagon. Fake doctor Dr. Quackenbush chimed in, saying, “I used to rely on my medical degree to track patients’ health, but now I just ask them to show me their Fitbit stats. It’s much easier and more accurate, trust me.”
Even fake celebrity Kim Karcrashian has gotten in on the action, posting on social media, “OMG you guys, I just got this new smartwatch that tells me when to drink water. It’s like having a personal hydration coach on my wrist! #blessed #healthgoals”
So, why not join the craze and start tracking your health with wearable tech? Who knows, maybe RFK Jr will be the next spokesperson for Fitbit! Just remember, always take satire news with a grain of salt – or maybe a handful of almonds, according to your smartwatch.
