New York City is on high alert as the Democrat mayoral primary race heats up, following US strikes on Iran. With tensions running high, candidates are pulling out all the stops to win over voters in the Big Apple.
In a shocking turn of events, candidate Bill De Blasio was seen running through the streets of Brooklyn wearing a hazmat suit, claiming he was prepared for any potential fallout from the strikes. When asked for a comment, De Blasio simply said, “I may not be everyone’s first choice, but at least I’ll survive the apocalypse!”
Meanwhile, candidate Andrew Yang has taken a different approach, promising to bring peace to the city by implementing a universal basic income for all New Yorkers. When questioned about the feasibility of such a plan, Yang replied, “Hey, if it worked for me on the debate stage, it can work for the city!”
Not to be outdone, candidate Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has been spotted rallying supporters in Times Square, urging them to “fight the power” and “defeat the establishment.” When asked about her strategy for winning the primary, AOC shouted, “We’re gonna take on the billionaires and make them pay for our subway fares!”
With the primary just around the corner, tensions are running high among the candidates. Fake name candidate Chad Broseph, a self-proclaimed “frat boy turned politician,” has vowed to bring a new wave of energy to City Hall by hosting keg parties every Friday night. When asked about his platform, Broseph exclaimed, “Who needs policy when you’ve got beer pong?”
As New Yorkers brace themselves for the upcoming primary, one thing is certain – the race for mayor has never been more entertaining. So grab your popcorn and settle in for the show, because things are about to get wild in the concrete jungle.
