In a shocking turn of events, former military veteran, Joe “Gun-Slinging” Johnson, has been sentenced to life in prison for plotting an attack on the FBI after his arrest for his involvement in the January 6th Capitol riot.
Johnson, who was known for his love of guns and extreme patriotism, was caught red-handed trying to recruit fellow rioters to join him in his mission to take down the FBI headquarters. When asked for a comment on his sentencing, Johnson simply replied, “I was just trying to exercise my Second Amendment rights, ya know? Ain’t no harm in a little target practice.”
His lawyer, John “Legal Eagle” Smith, tried to defend his client’s actions, stating, “Joe was just a misunderstood patriot who wanted to protect his country from the deep state. He never intended to hurt anyone, except maybe a few FBI agents.”
The judge, who handed down the life sentence, was quoted as saying, “Mr. Johnson’s actions were not only reckless, but also incredibly stupid. Planning an attack on the FBI is like trying to rob a bank with a water gun. It’s just not going to end well.”
In response to the sentencing, FBI Director, James “Big Boss” Thompson, released a statement saying, “We take threats against our agency very seriously, and we will not hesitate to prosecute those who try to harm our agents. Joe Johnson may have thought he was a tough guy, but now he’s just a convict in an orange jumpsuit.”
As for Johnson, he seems to be taking his sentence in stride, joking with fellow inmates about starting a gun club in the prison yard. Only time will tell if he’ll ever see the light of day again, but for now, it looks like Joe “Gun-Slinging” Johnson’s days of plotting attacks are over.
