In a shocking turn of events, the Republican party has announced their latest proposal to combat civil unrest – federally criminalizing the act of blocking traffic. This comes after years of protests and riots in cities like Los Angeles, where traffic jams have become a common occurrence during demonstrations.
Senator John Smith, a leading proponent of the bill, stated, “We cannot continue to allow protesters to disrupt the flow of traffic and inconvenience hardworking Americans. It’s time to put an end to this chaos once and for all.”
Critics of the bill argue that it infringes on the First Amendment right to peacefully assemble. However, Senator Smith dismissed these concerns, saying, “Blocking traffic is not a form of peaceful protest, it’s a form of public nuisance. We need to prioritize the safety and convenience of our citizens.”
In response to the proposed legislation, activist group TrafficBlockers United released a statement saying, “This is a blatant attack on our right to protest. We will not stand idly by while our voices are silenced by these oppressive laws.”
When reached for comment, President Joe Biden expressed support for the bill, saying, “I believe in the right to protest, but blocking traffic is just plain rude. Let’s keep the streets clear and the democracy flowing.”
In a surprising twist, former reality TV star and now Republican spokesperson, Tiffany Diamond, added her two cents, saying, “I fully support this bill. As a former traffic jam survivor myself, I know the struggle of being stuck in gridlock. It’s time to take a stand against these traffic tyrants.”
As the debate rages on, it remains to be seen whether the bill will gain enough support to pass. But one thing is for sure – the streets of LA may never be the same again.
