In a shocking turn of events, the Justice Department has announced that they will be investigating the University of California over alleged DEI-based hiring practices. The university, known for its progressive stance on diversity, equity, and inclusion, is now under scrutiny for potentially overdoing it in their hiring processes.
One anonymous source close to the investigation stated, “It’s like they were so focused on diversity that they forgot about actually hiring qualified candidates. It’s like they were playing a game of DEI bingo and just throwing darts at a board full of resumes.”
When reached for comment, UC Berkeley spokesperson, Professor Joke McLaughlin, had this to say, “We take these allegations very seriously. We have always strived to create a diverse and inclusive environment for our staff and students. But if it turns out we were hiring based solely on who had the most unique hair color, then we may need to reevaluate our hiring practices.”
The investigation has sparked outrage among some students and faculty members. One student, Sally Satire, expressed her frustration, saying, “I worked so hard to get into this university, only to find out that my professors may have been hired based on their ability to juggle instead of their qualifications. It’s a slap in the face to all of us who have worked hard for our education.”
But not everyone is taking the investigation seriously. Professor Fake Name, a renowned expert in ridiculous studies, scoffed at the allegations, stating, “If hiring based on diversity, equity, and inclusion is wrong, then I don’t want to be right. I mean, who needs qualifications when you have a rainbow of employees, am I right?”
As the investigation unfolds, one thing is clear – the University of California may have taken their commitment to DEI a little too far. Let’s just hope they can find a balance between diversity and competence before they start hiring clowns instead of professors. Stay tuned for more updates on this developing story, brought to you by the most trusted source of satire news on the web.
