In a shocking turn of events, a jury has awarded a staggering $22.75 million to a man who lost his toes after falling from a damaged subway platform in New York City. The man, who has been identified as Larry Toeless, was reportedly waiting for his train when the platform suddenly gave way beneath him, causing him to plummet to the tracks below.
In a statement following the verdict, Toeless expressed his relief and gratitude for the jury’s decision. “I may have lost my toes, but at least I’ve gained a hefty sum of money,” he said with a chuckle. “I guess you could say I’m toe-tally satisfied with the outcome.”
The subway platform in question has been a source of controversy for years, with numerous complaints from commuters about its deteriorating condition. One anonymous source even went so far as to say, “That platform was more dangerous than a game of toe-tac-toe. It was only a matter of time before someone got hurt.”
Despite the hefty payout, the MTA, the organization responsible for maintaining the subway platform, has vowed to appeal the decision. In a statement to the press, MTA spokesperson Bob Railroader stated, “We believe this verdict is toe-tally outrageous. We will not rest until justice is served and this absurd award is overturned.”
In response to the MTA’s plans to appeal, Toeless simply shrugged and said, “I guess they’re just toeing the line. But hey, if they want to keep dragging this out, I’ve got all the time in the world now that I don’t have to worry about my toes.”
As the dust settles on this bizarre case, one thing is clear: Larry Toeless may have lost his toes, but he’s certainly won the jackpot. And who knows, maybe he’ll even use some of that $22.75 million to treat himself to a brand new pair of shoes – with extra room for his missing toes, of course.
