In a shocking turn of events, juror Jimmy “The Gavel” Johnson has come forward to reveal why Karen Read walked free in her boyfriend’s death trial. According to Johnson, the decision to acquit Read was based on a mix of incompetence, laziness, and a serious lack of interest in the case.
Johnson, who has been dubbed the “Sleeping Beauty” of the jury, admitted that he spent most of the trial dozing off and dreaming about his next lunch break. When asked about the evidence presented in court, Johnson replied, “Evidence? What evidence? I thought we were here to watch Netflix and chill.”
But it wasn’t just Johnson who dropped the ball in this case. Juror Sally “The Sassy Scribe” Smith revealed that she was too busy scrolling through TikTok to pay attention to the testimonies. “I mean, come on, who has time for murder trials when there are cat videos to watch?” Smith quipped.
As for the rest of the jury, it seems they were more interested in ordering takeout and debating the merits of pineapple on pizza than actually deliberating on Read’s fate. Juror Bobby “The Burger Baron” Brown admitted, “I didn’t even know we were supposed to be deciding if she was guilty or not. I just wanted to go home and binge-watch ‘The Bachelor’.”
In a statement released by Read’s attorney, they thanked the jury for their “thorough and thoughtful consideration of the case.” When asked about the jury’s incompetence, the attorney responded, “Well, you know what they say, justice is blind…and apparently, it’s also fast asleep.”
In the end, Karen Read walked free not because she was innocent, but because the jury couldn’t be bothered to pay attention. As Johnson put it, “Hey, at least we got free lunch out of this whole ordeal. Who cares about justice when there’s free sandwiches on the line?” And with that, another case of justice served…or rather, justice snoozed.
