In a shocking turn of events, the director of the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA), Rafael Grossi, announced today that Iran’s enriched uranium can no longer be located following US military strikes. In a press conference held in Vienna, Grossi expressed his frustration at the situation, stating, “It appears that Iran’s enriched uranium has vanished into thin air. We have searched high and low, but it seems to have pulled a disappearing act worthy of Houdini himself.”
The US military strikes, which were intended to target Iran’s nuclear facilities, have apparently had unintended consequences, as the whereabouts of the enriched uranium remain unknown. When asked about the possibility of the uranium being used for nefarious purposes, Grossi responded, “Well, I can’t say for sure what happened to the uranium, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s being used to power a secret underground disco party hosted by Kim Jong-un.”
In response to Grossi’s comments, Iranian officials have denied any knowledge of the missing uranium, with Foreign Minister Mohammad Javad Zarif stating, “We have no idea where the uranium went. Maybe it sprouted legs and walked away. Who knows? Stranger things have happened.”
Meanwhile, US President Joe Biden has remained tight-lipped about the situation, simply stating, “Oops, my bad.” When pressed for further comment, Biden reportedly muttered something about needing to check his notes on the matter.
As the world waits with bated breath for answers, one thing is clear: the mystery of Iran’s missing enriched uranium may never be solved. In the words of Grossi, “It’s like trying to find a needle in a haystack, except the needle is radioactive and the haystack is the entire country of Iran. Good luck with that.”
Stay tuned for more updates on this bizarre and baffling story, only here at the number one source of satire news on the web. And remember, when in doubt, blame it on the aliens.
